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A Badass Turkey (With Tasty Rub)

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“make a badass spicy turkey and use the drippings for the best gravy of your f*cking life.”

Ingredients Nutrition


  1. take all that weird stuff out of the turkey.
  2. make the rub by mixing all non-turkey ingredients.
  3. preheat oven to 350.
  4. rub turkey with the rub. if there's any left over, stuff in turkey belly.
  5. do not put stuffing inside turkey. gross! close the turkey legs with that plastic thing (or string if your turkey doesn't have that.
  6. put turkey in roaster, elevated from bottom of pan.
  7. cover with tin foil, making sure you don't let top of foil touch turkey.
  8. let cook for about 2:45 or so with foil on. do not baste.
  9. for last 15-20, remove foil, so turkey skin can get a good bit of color.
  10. let rest about 20 so you can slice it up.
  11. for gravy: take drippings, place in pot. heat up. while heating, make a mix of 1 cup cold water to 1/4 cup cornstarch. slowly add to the broth, a bit at a time so you make sure you haven't messed up too much.
  12. warning: instructions for high altitude (5000 feet above sea level). make sure you adjust to your altitude. always cook turkey to like, 165-170.

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