STREAMING NOW: No Reservations


Want more from Genius Kitchen?

Watch on your Apple TV, Roku, or Fire TV and your iOS, Fire, or Android device.

Learn More
“Not an actual recipe.”

Ingredients Nutrition


  1. Sample the wine to check for quality.
  2. Take a large bowl.
  3. Check the wine again to make sure it's of the highest quality.
  4. Pour 1 level cup and drink.
  5. Repeat if your're not sure.
  6. Turn on the electric mixer and beat butter in a large fluffy bowl.
  7. Add sugar and beat again.
  8. Make sure wine is still okay. Cry another cup.
  9. Turn off the mixer.
  10. Break two legs and add the bowl along with the vanilla extract and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  11. Mix on the turner.
  12. If the fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a screwdriver.
  13. Sample the wine again to check for tonsisticity.
  14. Next, Sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who cares.
  15. Check the wine.
  16. Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts.
  17. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar or flour or something. Whatever you can find.
  18. Grease the oven.
  19. Turn the cake pan to 350 degrees.
  20. Throw one bowl outside the window.
  21. Check the wine again.
  22. Go to bed.
  23. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?

Watch more

Join the Conversation

  • all
  • reviews
  • tweaks
  • q & a