Mom's Meatloaf

I had just returned from months at sea. My body had been ravaged by the seas and those long months away from the sun had weakened my bones and spirit. A diet of tinned fish and salted biscuits could never combat the fatigue that comes from hauling baited lines, the daily catch, and the occasional overboard fisherman. With my feet firmly back on dry land, I began the process of rebuilding my body and mind. With time my strength would return and the fever dreams of rabid whales subside. Of course my nutrition improved as well. There were steaks, potatoes and the like. But with my renewed strength also came consequences. Months fighting Neptune’s wrath had stripped my body of the ability to digest all but the simplest of foods. Regularity was a memory. So, I sought the wisdom of the Grape Nut. Before I go further I should say that I was no stranger to the Grape Nut. I’d tried the yogurt mix-ins and the bars granola. All were fine but did little to awaken my insides. Then I found this. A simple recipe of loafed beef and nuts of grape. As god as my witness, I’ve never experienced anything like this. The effect was immediate and earth shattering. My gastrointestinal system sprung to life with the vigor of a hurricane. Life was breathed into what I thought was gone. I’ve eaten it daily since April and replaced my toilet 3 times. I can smell colors, see through the darkest night. I’m pretty sure I understand and talk to bears, wolves, and all creatures of the wild. I’m whole again. Some suggestions for serving and modification: feel free to omit the tomato sauce as this takes up precious grape nuts space. Serve directly on the toilet or within ten feet of the bathroom. Print the contact information for a good plumber that you trust on any napkins that you might use. Cancel all but the most important of plans. Update your will. Make peace with your enemies and reconnect with any estranged relatives.