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“or Hatred Death Murder Anti-Cheesecake by LoungieMu of the SomethingAwful forums. Okay, think of two things off the top of your head that you can cook with cream cheese. I bet that the first two things you think of are cheesecake. Let's face it, it's everywhere, and all-pervasive. There are even upscale restaurant chains that sell little else than these silly desserts. It fills me with rage. Its a cake, and its made of cheese. And it tastes - sweet? When I think cheese, I think of these delightfully savoury dishes that take advantage of herbs and great vegetables and delight you with a little richness, and a lot of flavor. I do not think of some spongy sweet filler vehicle for whatever syrupy dollop I might put on top. They should call it cream-colored blob cake or something, so that the issue is put to rest. So, to write my death ballad in the tune of cheesecake, here is my savoury cheesecake.”
1hr 15mins
1 cheesecake

Ingredients Nutrition


  1. Make sure your nuts are processed into something between a fine chop and a coarse meal. Process the hell out of them and back. Once done, combine with breadcrumbs and olive oil until you get this consistency of lightly damp sand. Spread that with your fingers in a glass baking dish.
  2. Put all of your dairy and egg into the food processor and brutalize it until it looks like it got hit with a hand grenade!
  3. A good start, but this cheesecake still needs attitude. It has to spit in the eye of lesser cheesecakes and kill its dog with an axe, so I think that is best symbolized by spinach & artichoke hearts. Add pepper and dill weed.
  4. Add green onions too.
  5. Murder your vegetables without mercy, and pour their slaughtered remains into your breadcrumb crust!
  6. Bake this more or less forever. 325 degrees for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until you get browning on top and it doesn't jiggle. Mine was a little on the brown side, but its completely supple.
  7. Throw that thing in the fridge once its cool enough to handle, and let it stay for a while. Once it's good and cool, slice it up and serve!
  8. What I suggest is extremely fresh herbs, chopped and served on top. I took a little basil and oregano from my garden and gave a quick chop, and the smells were amazing. Topped it with that, and served with a wedge of oiled & herbed roma tomato, but any fresh veggie would do. You want to have something like tomato, or maybe even broccoli florets or carrot sticks to enjoy this with. It's got great flavors, but biting into the fresh herbs on top carries the flavors on top to the savoury vegetables in the cheese, and makes the entire thing complete. This would be a wonderful breakfast item with fresh fruits and vegetables to start your day.

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